As you can tell by the title of my site I have a child with ODD. If you don't know what O.D.D. is let me explain it to you. The O stands for oppositional , D is defiant, and the last D is for disorder. Most kids cant be defiant or strong willed at times but will still usually comply with what is expected from them whether they like it or not. O.D.D. children are not just strong willed but their brains actually make them say no even if it were something they really would want or wasn't even a big deal to accomplish. You could say the sky is blue they will say it is a different color, They will want to do the opposite of whatever you are wanting or asking. It may feel like you are running into a brick wall with every conversation you have with the child.
Most of all I want you to know your child is not bad but has a different way and view of learning the world around him. It is our responsibility to help him navigate with this his way of thinking through the world appropriately.
Well, I am here to tell you there is hope, but also here to tell you it will be a long road to ahead. You have to cherish the great days in your head and heart. Yet know those day are few and far between. At least in the beginning. Also learn what their triggers are, study your child, pick your battles, and this last bit of advice is hard to to but you
MUST stop worrying about what others think. Get yourself and support system. My mom is a big support system for me. She works with my son on homework and it saves us both a lot of tears. I can't stress this enough you have to make you time. You can't run on fumes. Your car can't and neither can you. It doesn't have too be expensive. Go for a walk ( I wont lie not my favorite), have a prayer time, go sit somewhere quiet, put ocean waves on Pandora close your eyes and imagine you at the beach(one of my fav's), take a bath, Go to the gym I like to run on the treadmill. I like AC what can I say. You have to do this it's just not for you but for your child. They watch everything you do If you hit or spank etc with kids like these it gives them permission to do that to others. Do not scream at them or they will scream more you have to try and stay calm. I know it hard. I know its hard I may not scream at the top of my lungs at my child but I have yelled especially when caught off guard or when it involves another child. Yelling is not effective at all just ups the ante for them. Be quick to apologize for if you do yell and tell them how you should have handle it properly. These are learning ques for them. My son also has ADHD so he does take Vyvanse which is not a cure for ODD but it does help him form his thought better. So if my son has a hard morning which is most morning cause he is not a morning person and the rest of my kids are he will usually apologize and actually feel remorse for the way he treated us after meds kick in.There are other avenues for those who would like to take a more natural approach. I just know this one works for my child so that's why we use it. He has also had to learn that his actions have consequences the good ones and the bad ones.
Another thing I can't stress enough is they need a routine, and a heads up if things are going to change. I had to learn that the hard way a way to many times. It saves a lot of headaches and heartaches. Wake up with a plan A and a plan B. Plan A is if they actually wake up in a good mood. If they don't know its a plan B day which is more like survival mode yet they may still have to complete certain task just don't nit pick about it for example the bed is sloppily made. Let it go.
One thing you have to be is constant. This is even hard for me. It took us a whole year, yes you heard it right a whole year for my son to know he had to make his bed and get dressed before he could have breakfast. I will tell you though those are two battles I don't have to fight about anymore. He may need a reminder on certain days or he might just sleep on top of his covers to save himself a step some nights. But that fight isn't there anymore. Seriously pick one or two things, and just work on that. This might be easier for type A people but I am a type B parent that had to learn to be type A in a lot of ways for peace for our family, and help my son thrive. Last year we adopted a sibling group of three which has blest our family beyond measure. It' wasn't easy either in the beginning but it has helped my oldest son who was an only for 9 years to realize life doesn't revolve around him. It also helped me not to take everything my oldest does so seriously or personally. I am not going to lie we had over a hundred people praying for our transition as a family. It truly is a miracle and a whole lot of grace we received. I love all my kids so much.
Back to children with ODD when your child is doing even the littlest thing correct or when you ask him the first time. PRAISE HIM. This was actually hard for me to learn to do cause in my family growing up it was expected to do the right thing and you only heard when you were messing up. It is your job to seek all the good you can find in your child and let them hear it. one analogy given to long time ago was " that it is easier to find the dot on the page then to focus on all the white around it" Focus on the good and not just the bad. Of course you have to correct things but if it isn't the main issue you are working on you have to let it go. I know it is easier said than done. Especially if it isn't putting your child, another person, or thing in harms way.
All kids need this!!!! For example my son has started using the word "Butt" in his vocabulary. At the same time I know it is a phase for his age and I need to focus on more important things that are deal breakers for me. The deal breaker I am working on is him eating with us at dinner. he get so immursed with what he is doing he doesn't want to take a break from it. Then raids kitchen later in the night when everyone is sleeping, or take food into his room at night only for me to find or siblings to find little black ants which drives me nuts. So the deal is if he eats his dinner with us and still finds he has the munchies at night he can get something but eat it at the table. Sounds easy I know but for an ODD child not so much this will take us months to probably master. But then we can move to the next thing. Let me make this clear
routine is not only good for ODD kids but all kids. My other three need just as much routine as my ODD child it just might not take as long for them to learn the lesson or it might.
Now when I look at my son I genuinely see what a great kids he is. He really amazes me his talents, abilities, his insight, his spirituality. Give the children room to breathe they will surprise you.
I hope this this post gave you some insight, hope, and encouragement. You are not alone in this journey.I pray God pours mighty graces and blessings over you as you parent all your children and graces on your children while you try to parents them.
